Tag Archives: FROTCAST

(Unlocked) Frotcast 678: Tilting at Reply Guys

comedy, movies, , , , ,

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This week on the Frotcast, bitter infighting consumed the group chat as the third day of negotiations about what to watch for this episode reached an impasse. While the talks were Vanced, the Strait of Discourse stayed mercifully open. What we’re trying to say is, We didn’t watch a movie this week. Sorry.

Rapper/pornographer Ray J has months to live. He also has a very strange interview with Cam Newton’s silly hat. Ray J answers the question “Are you gay?” with a story about what people do when they go home. It gets worse from there, believe it or not. A sample exchange: Ray J: “Do you listen to Biggie Smalls?” Cam: “Can you just answer my question?” We’ll always love you for moving your hat 7 times in a 30 second conversation, Ray J. What we do in life echoes in eternity.

Then we get some IRL Kyle Mooney action when streamer 4_Inches gets spotted at In N Out Burger (drink!) by Jakob with a K (drink!), the lead singer of Sublime (drink!). What follows is one of the dumbest conversations we’ve ever been privileged to hear. This then leads to one of the Frotcast’s top two or three Nobel Prize-worthy anthropological theories; Socal bros = saltwater juggalos (drink!).

Next, many are calling it The Most Australian Story Ever: man uses his dog to unsuccessfully bludgeon a murderous crocodile but is mercifully saved by a Sheila having a ciggy and his mate Kevin Bevin, who then blesses us with a wonderful new term for a penis.

Finally, someone tried to assassinate Trump again, but this time it was a libbed out soyboy who geared up for murder and then took a mirror selfie doing the Lin-Manuel Miranda lip bite. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?? Perhaps making campaign pledges to only the most insane people in America and then aggressively doing the opposite has some sort of deleterious effect on said crazy people. Who can really know what is in anyone’s heart though? The Frotcast’s official BPD GF Olivia Reingold did what any good WCHP dinner journalist would do and documented the action by taking a selfie video. You can poison our houseplants any day, girl. 🤙😁!

-Description by Brendan.

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Frotcast 680: Yung Hitler [Unlocked]

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Inside of you are two Hitlers. At least, that’s the basic premise of Max (2002), a movie about a young Hitler just trying to find his voice as an artist, before all the… well, you know. We watched it for the Frotcast this week, because last week, Matt made a joke about “why don’t they make a movie about Hitler, without all the Holocaust stuff?” We had been talking about Michael, a movie that depicts the life of Michael Jackson but ends before Bad. A few of our listeners (shout out to Zach Johnston) pointed out that, actually, Matt’s Hitler-but-without-the-Holocaust-stuff-movie had already been made — in 2002, starring Noah Taylor as young Adolf and John Cusack as his (fictional) friend, Max Rothman. And at least in this case, it was genuinely an artistic choice, not a concession that the filmmakers had to make in order to get the rights to Hitler’s paintings from the Hitler estate.

Naturally, we had to watch it. It turned out to be endlessly funny, hearing one character constantly refer to another as “Hitler” in casual conversation. Such as in the iconic lines “Hitler, come on, I’ll buy you a glass of lemonade,” and “ever consider the future, Hitler?”

Anyway, if you ever wanted to see a movie that asks “What if young Hitler was being played by a goth McLovin and he made a friend who was Jim from The Office,” then Max (2002) is definitely the movie for you. I think I liked it more than Jojo Rabbit.

After that, we discuss the California governor’s race, and how we have like 17 different candidates, none of whom can give a straightforward answer to the very simple question “Is Israel doing a genocide?”

And the Dems still can’t figure out why people might vote for Graham Platner. Gosh, who could say??? Maybe if they paid a consulting firm made up of discount Free Press writers six or seven hundred thousand dollars they could figure it out.

In conclusion, “you know Hitler, you’re an awfully hard guy to like. …But I’m trying.”

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Frotcast 671: Farty Supreme, feat. Dave Weigel

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Welcome back to another episode of The Frotcast; on this podcast we hold space for opera singers and ballerinas. Dave Weigel joins us this week to talk current events and Marty Supreme.

To kick things off, we take advantage of having a real-deal reporter on the show to talk about current events. Dave takes us through the latest on the Iran War and what it means: nothing! We’re still trying to figure out if we’d like to get drafted and die in Iran, or stay here and die of Measles. Choices, choices.

Because this is now a looksmaxxing podcast, we discuss Clavicular. More importantly, Brendan has a bone to pick with the fellas for not appreciating his one-word message in the group chat: cloacular. These philistines don’t understand true art when they see it. Chatmogged.

We are unfortunately discussing Glenn Beck again, and his good pal AI George Washington. General Sloppington makes some very interesting insights into the current situ-haha just kidding. He makes a bunch of mouth sounds that resemble coherent sentences as Beck drools in awe. As they say online “this must hit so hard if you’re a dumbass”.

Finally, we discuss Marty Supreme. Once again, Josh Safdie brings us a tense, grimy NYC thriller with stunt casting and parts that have no business working, yet do anyway. Case in point: Mr Wonderful from Shark Tank plays a major role and knocks it out of the park. May we humbly suggest a starring role for Senor Wonderful in a Harry S Truman biopic? Finally, we round things up with some Oscar prognosticating. Please do not bet on our favorites, unless you win and then you have to give us a cut. By reading this sentence you have agreed to the above terms. Thank you.

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Frotcast 665: An Affair Wife Defender

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The penguin meme- Where does it come from? What does it mean? What message is the Trump administration trying to convey by sharing it? Is electing a president whose brain has been turned to beef stew by the internet good? Answers to one or two of these questions, and MORE…on this week’s Frotcast!

Vince shows us why Up**xx made him expendable: so they could use that money to hire Will.I.Am. The erstwhile Black Eyed Pea was recently seen lecturing Arizona State students on why they need to buy an Nvidia processor to host their own AI that will work [citation needed] for them so they can at least profit from being replaced by AI. Well well well, looks like Mr. Fancy Pants Mancini did himself a fat lot of good going Ivy League, he could have been banging strippers (present and future) and programming a digital slave in Tempe!

Ilhan Omar got sprayed with apple cider vinegar by some weird old dude and she almost beat his ass lol. Dude’s brother also called him a piece of shit in the newspaper and everything. Let’s just ignore what this may say about our current state of affairs in America or what it portends, and just enjoy one of life’s simple pleasures, pointing and laughing at a buffoon.

Finally, cuck ethics- watch us turn into right wing influencers in real time as we discuss a true cuckolding situation that plays out in the pages of the failing New York Times. That will be 400,000 dollars, comrades.

Matt also tells a story about taking an injured Loon to an animal rescue, but I’m not sure what the point was.

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662: Bugonia, Venezuela, Dookie Wanna Take Ya… feat. Brent Flyberg

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Well it looks like our wish a few weeks back for things to suck less shit really blew up in our faces. Sorry about that, everyone. It turns out that the largest donor to the party that is actively obstructing the investigation into the Michael Jordan of pedophiles because our current president was best friends with said prolific pedophile owns a website that generates nudes of minors on demand. HEY GROK SHOW ME A TEN YEAR OLD’S GENITALS

To distract ourselves from the crackpot conspiracy-pilled eldritch horror of this current administration we watched Bugonia, a movie about a schlub who suffered an overdose of podcasts and youtube and is now convinced he’s the victim of a vast cosmic alien plot. We get into spoiler territory early on, so consider yourself warned. In the non-spoiler department, we all liked it. Jesse P Lemmons and Emma Stone are great as always, and former Pod Yourself guest Stavros Halkias is a delight.

Did I mention Producer Brent is here? Producer Brent is here. He watched Anaconda, and let me tell you, this man has takes on snakes. Solid B+.

Tony Dookiepill, who was hand-picked by Bari Weiss to read the news, reads the news like a person who was hand-picked by Bari Weiss to read the news. This man apparently has had two circumcisions as an adult? There has never been a better time in history to be an absolute freak.

Finally, we all watched the Chevy Chase documentary and then forgot to talk about it. Solid B+.

ICE executed a nonviolent citizen in the street yesterday. Fuck ICE. Sorry, we don’t have any jokes about that. If you are angry and able, please donate to Renee Good’s gofundme.

Wocka wocka!

-Description by Brendan

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657: Have You Heard the Good Nuzz?

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This Thanksgiving, we at Frotcast LLC would like to collectively give thanks to you, our listeners. And also to RFK Jr for answering all the questions we have about what it’s like for a 70 year old guy to text you demanding you drink his cum. The question we’d still like to have answered is, “is it weirder to be the aforementioned 70 year old, or a 30 year old who’s totally into it?” This marks two straight episodes of Nuzzi discussion, let’s hope Ryan Lizza drops even more disgusting revelations over the holiday so we can shoot for three. Chuck Grassley POV video? Lauren Boebert interracial gangbang? Mitch McConnell Goatse?

Next, thanks to Elon Musk of all people, we now know that the last decade of American politics has mostly been about literally making up a guy to be mad about. Yep, it turns out that the platform that Elon tried to back out of buying due to the bot problem has a bot problem. We’re sorry you had to find out all those hot patriotic fefos of yours are actually a Macedonian guy.

In this week’s big news, our Big Beautiful President has successfully bullied Paramount into making Rush Hour 4. No word yet on how exactly 71 year old Jackie Chan is going to be able to make that happen, but surely this will be the feat that finally earns the big man his Nobel Peace Prize. Brett Ratner redemption arc, here we come (while eating shrimp cocktail)!

Have a great holiday everyone, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your new life partner Dragomir.

(-Description by Brendan) 

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649: For The Epsteinth Time, with Billy Corben (Rent ‘Men of War!’)

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Returning champion Billy Corben (The U, Screwball, Cocaine Cowboys) is on this week to discuss his new documentary Men of War, which covers a wide-eyed Canadian idealist’s journey from thinking Full Metal Jacket is a movie about how the military is cool, to the US Special Forces, to ham-fistedly attempting a coup in Venezuela. It’s quite a ride.

Billy generously goes deep on Venezuelan politics to set the stage for how this unlikeliest of coup plotters got himself in that position to begin with. Billy also discusses his interpretation of coup leader Jordan Goudreau as a “post-modern” soldier in that his entire point of reference seems to be old war movies. “I’ll infiltrate with an inflatable boat, suit up theatrically on the beach, attack the island, scalp a guy with a saw blade, then impale Maduro with a steam pipe. Just like Commando!”

Billy has to go because the people running the studio he’s in have turned the lights off like bouncers at last call, so we then segue into this week’s hot topic that surely no one is tired of discussing, the Charlie Kirk shooting. Specifically, why are we still trying to shoehorn people into a left/right spectrum, and where does a guy making jokes about a furry with a boner fit in? Political incoherence is the new manifesto. Also, we are begging just one reporter to ask what “trans ideology” entails and how it can fit on a shell casing.

We wrap up by discussing the Verhoeven-esque scene that emerged from the shooting as  Mormon influencer “Elder TikTok” posted a selfie video from the ensuing moments after the shooting, imploring his audience to like and subscribe to both his Instagram and the Church of Latter-Day Saints. Grim stuff. He also contaminated the crime scene by picking up blood-soaked items, presumably to sell on eBay. Nevermind, this is worse than anything Verhoeven came up with. Smash that like button and sound off in the comments!

Rent Men of War on Prime Video and Apple TV (or wherever Men of War are sold!). Please.

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[MAD MEN S3 ANNOUNCEMENT + UNLOCKED] 645: You Joaquin’ Ta Me?! ‘Eddington,’ With Brian Abrams.

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MAD YOURSELF A MAN IS COMING BACK NEXT WEEK! All new episodes will be available on Patreon. A subscription gets you Mad Yourself A Man episodes a week early, and all bonus episodes (read: most!) of the Frotcast. Just like this one, from last week, which we have unlocked as a teaser. Are you teased??? Join the the patreon NOW!

(Would you tease me? I’d tease me. Hard.) 

——-

We are serving cunt on the Frotcast and we cannot. Even. Stop!

This week we serve up our listeners a cunt named Brian Abrams, a guy who’s seen way more movies than Vince and author of “You Talkin’ to Me?” The Definitive Guide to Iconic Movie Quotes. Brian joins us for the main subject of this week’s episode, Ari Aster’s latest film Eddington. Unfortunately, we drag him into some very stupid topics before we get there. Sorry Brian.

We get down to brass tacks right away- every man has a price, and Matt’s is $20,000. That’s right folks, he’s run plum out of royalty freestyle ideas, so now he has to whore out that sweet, sweet man-ass of his.

Next up, the 46-year-old French guy who got humiliated to death while streaming. That’s right folks, GERARD DEPARDIEU IS DEAD (pause for Kevin Eubanks to stop laughing).

Now throw in Cuomo’s swagless social media, Jordan Peterson’s mold problem, and important news from the President of Space, Kevin Spacey (we beg you, don’t overthink the bits), and you got yourself a B+ of a pod, baby.

Find Brian on his website, Letterboxd, and TikTok.

(-Description by Brendan)

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[Teaser] Deep Dish Corruption (644, with Sean Keane)

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Comedian Sean Keane from Roundball Rock podcast guests this week! We open this week talking about Matt getting COVID on his Honeymoon or some dumb crap, but quickly segue into New York’s famous Cuomo brothers, and how losing a primary to Zohran Mamdani has apparently broken their brains. Now they’re mashing all the buttons at once, from “why don’t you condemn Hamas” to “what if rich people benefit from universal social programs?” Following up on last week’s Chris Cuomo-getting-fooled-by-an-AOC-deepfake-and-then-doubling-down incident, we talk about Chris’ equally dim-witted brother Andrew, who is very proud of his father Mario and his grandmother (?) Andrea. Someone had to teach the Cuomo boys to be handsy.

After that we go deep into the truly WILD story of the two crypto guys who (with off-duty NYPD cops working as their bodyguards) who allegedly kidnapped an Italian guy and made him serve as their pledge while they played insane cokehead fratboy games and (allegedly) tortured him to reveal his crypto passwords. My favorite part of the article was when they moved into a giant replica of the White House in rural Kentucky where they would type messages to each other on typewriters and then burn them so no one could steal their secrets. Oh the things one can get into with millions of dollars and 24/7 access to cocaine. Here is what an Apocalypse Hellfire looks like, by the way. Subscribe on Patreon for more content!

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[Teaser] Spa or Non-Spa (Frotcast 642: Happy Gilmore 2 with David Roth and Jeb Lund)

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Happy Gilmore 2 famously lives at the intersection of sports and movies, and incredibly, so do this week’s guests, David J. Roth and Jeb Lund from It’s Christmastown. They review Hallmark movies on their podcast, but this week they’re taking a break from that to fill in for Matt and Brendan, who are on vacation with their dumb families, to discuss Adam Sandler’s 30-years-later sequel, Happy Gilmore 2–a movie which, as I wrote in my review, feels exactly like a make-a-wish charity special for a terminally-ill 58-year-old. Or as David puts it, feels like a celebrity-packed Super Bowl commercial that just never ends. Those sound like knocks on it, but they kind of aren’t. One of the best things about Happy Gilmore 2 is trying to imagine the strange celebrity encounter Adam Sandler had that produced each cameo.

That takes up most of the latter part of the pod, but before that, we discuss the way tech CEOs have ruined the design of most things, which naturally brings us to Elon Musk’s new Tesla diner, where you can wait two hours in line to order “Epic Bacon” for $12, all while being glared at by the people who live nearby whose lives Elon has ruined. Then we digress into the Trump/Epstein scandal, and how, even if this probably won’t result on Trump’s supporters turning on him, it is weirdly gratifying to watch him be constantly on the defensive and clearly realize that he can’t just riff his way out of this one. Fun times!

Email us at frotcast@gmail.com, leave us a voice message at 415-275-0030.

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