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Here it is, folks, our POSITIVELY NO SPOILERS review of the new “live-action” remake of The Lion King, starring live-action, photoreal versions of Matt and Vince. I’m just kidding about the spoilers thing, you actually can’t spoil this movie because it’s basically a shot-for-shot remake of that cartoon we all know and loved from 1994. We loved it because of the totally authentic African music recorded by famous African musicians Elton John and Tim Rice. Will the remake be as good? Well, nothing improves a cartoon like PHOTOREAL LIONS, I always say. Topics include:
-When you say Jon Favreau “directed” this, what does that actually mean?
-Why don’t the lions have dicks?
-How did Billy Eichner manage to transcend this format that destroyed everyone else?
-No but seriously, why don’t the lions have dicks?
-Who decided that the lions shouldn’t have dicks and why?
-Are we too hung up on the lion-dick thing?